Green Tomatoes: fried, boiled, pickled, mashed - and for self-defense

It has been a lousy year for tomatoes. Two years of growing tomatoes on my roof terrace just culminated in a disaster. After last summer’s abundance of ripe and juicy fruits, this summer: hot July + wet August = Green Tomatoes dropping off the gigantic plants like flies.

So what the heck shall one do with them? Make a movie, of course!


Fried Green Tomatoes

Does anybody actually fry green tomatoes but in an American Movie? Apparently yes – and they’re not too bad. Slice them in 4-5 mm slices, discard the edges, sprinkle with salt and let sit for a while to get juicy.

Pat the slices in wheat flour with some ground white pepper in it, and fry in olive oil on medium heat until soft inside and crispy outside.

No need to have the movie at hand. Edible, easy to digest and cheap – as one would guess.

Got the Oscars, but there’s more of those things…

Green Tomato Chutney could be a good choice. Takes lots a tomatoes and sounds clever. For making that stuff you need about 5 times more added ingredients than those darn tomatoes. Red onions, raisins, vinegar, brown sugar, spices – and time! Well, due to the avalanche of tomatoes approaching, boiling it By the Pot.

Just the amount of gas needed to cook the stuff would have kept a small Norwegian Village warm over the Christmas holidays! So forget being economical with this choice - Bye-Bye ROI!

Done what done - sealing the stuff into pretty, sterilized glass jars. Will use them as presents, bribes, threats and paperweights. At least yet another load of the tomatoes is used, not trashed.

But there’s still more!

Pickle them! Slice, dice and put them in a jar with anything you can find in your kitchen. Chilli peppers, mustard seeds, bay leaves, cardamom pods, garlic, blackcurrant leaves, thumb-size aliens, and top with boiling vinegar-sugar-salt brine (no water!). Put the jar in the fridge, shake at times and pray for two weeks.

"Crispy, eh? -->

You never know what you get but can pretend it being Cuisine Nouveau when your guests wonder what that “interesting looking, crunchy condiment” is in that tiny bowl next to their dinner plate.

Experiment - it can be one darn tangy success!

And with the rest, then… You Clever, Oh-So-Mighty One?

The rest you can mash into green pulp. Pretend it is Ectoplasm and use for special effects, magically emitting from your mouth during your candle-lit Autumn Séances.

Well, the Victorians did…

<--- Victorian Spiritualist, in deep trance contacting a tiny Alien, with green tomato ectoplasm emitting from her ethereal body. "Darn tight here with all those tomatoes!" - she tells, channeling the spirit...


Self-Defense with Green Tomatoes

At the end you cannot find anybody who wants to have yet another jar of the Chutney you made. Start practicing Self Defense!

Tie a long, strong ribbon around the neck of a jar and start swinging it around. Start slowly increasing the speed gradually until you get it flying around your head in perfect circles. By controlling the path of the swirling pot, you can begin with some aiming exercises. Try to hit an empty beer can from, say 1,5 meters distance first. With practice and effort, you will master the technique and feel safe walking on the streets at night again.

The only thing you need for Personal Safety is some strong ribbon and a jar of Green Tomato Chutney!

Chinese kids practicing. Too young to use Chutney Jars yet  -->

Check your insurance policy before your first practice session. There’s a great risk for both material and personal damage involved.



Mooses says: Green Tomatoes are so much more than a movie!

New Social Media - A Book Club for Ugly People

One of these evenings sitting on my roof with Milano and her b.f. Emil, an idea was about to materialize. Being very social, energetic, beautiful and educated young woman, with wit in English language making Mooses humble, the momentum was worth exploring further. While the pondering discussion about all the options a person has in this life went on, she came up with one of her dreams which was not a Fish Farm.

<-- Edina Monsoon on the arms of a brother of a Fish Farm owner.

It was a Book Club. Starting easy, finding some interested people to get together, say every other week in a small, cozy restaurant and have a casual, literate evening together. Everybody brings a book along - which they have read during the past 2 weeks, preferably - and quote some lines from it for all present. And then the group discusses the feelings, expressions, deep thought and meaning of it all. Some wine and nibbles. A glass of liqueur to the more poetic members? Perfect!

Maybe a small fee for the Hostess would be in order? For the nibbles?

Being a teacher of Business English, and a really good one, some extra´s could be added to that Literate Evening with Milano. Some vocabulary enhancement and pronounciation exercises, perhaps. Well, just to correct some common mistakes of the non-English, particularly Dutch folks, like to use "I want to please my Manager" instead of "I want to pleasure my Boss." Or to learn the difference of "borrow" and "lend" - or "teach" and "learn".

For that extra, the fee for the hostess would certainly be justified!

All things so bright and beautiful

Do not take me wrong, Milano´s idea is good. But in the Age of Facebook, Youtube, syncronized multi-band mobile phones and WFH (working from home), the social side of this idea needs to be explored further.

<--a cozy Night Cafe by Vincent van Gogh

Are Book Lovers generally good looking? Nopey. Therefore it would be good to emphasize that aspect in the style of this particular Book Club. And make it a dating service at the same time. For ugly people.

A fee for the hostess gets a totally different meaning...



"Don´t Judge the Book by the Cover" - a Book Club for Ugly People

Picture this: a picturesque off-center Amsterdam cafe, windy and drizzling rainy Thursday evening in the autumn, soft lights dancing in the misty windows of the place and a happy concoction of sounds seeping into the wet streets outside.

Tempting. I carry a book with me, I wear a long raincoat... I know a few lines from the book. It is Opus Pistorum by Henry Miller. I liked the idea with the dates and want to share that with other people. Gjahhahhah... drool...

"Welcome to our Literate Evening!"  says the Lovely Hostess at the door.  "3 Euros, please? It is for the Dates. You look lovely tonight, and the boys are already in here!"

I pay my 3 Euros and am ready. Henry, Henry, Henry... 


Mooses says: Keep your hands above the blanket.