And what's that to do with the price of fish?

The delay with this entry is due to some trouble Mooses had with his trusty Mac.
My utmost gorgeous G5 2x2GHz got upset and refused to start up.
Running Leopard reinstall as we speak - never needed to do a system reinstall during my 20 year long Mac Career before.
Hmmm - nothing is like during the old days, I see.
(Typing this on a stupid Wintel Laptop - aargh!)

A Pricy Fish

But how was it? Yes, Breast Firming Cream. Out the other day with Milano and Emil, excuisite food, elaborate drinks, some digestive weed and limitless amounts of sheer nonsense. Great fun again, Guys! During a discussion over dessert, Milano mentions seen a Breast Firming Cream advert and is wondering what the world has turned into. Emil's and my eyes open of astonishment - Breast Firming Cream is such an old thing - good'ol Teenager Boy's Wet Dream! After comparing our experiences regarding previously published advertising about the blessed substance, we agreed that this is just a flash from the past. Must be around 'cause there's a new generation of teenagers with overactive libidos and imagination who just have not seen the previous round of Breast Firming Cream ads. Wet Dreams are Made of This, Annie!

Busto-Plasty Care Products

Hoot-O-Mat, Tit-E-Wonder, Knocker-S-Up or Boob-A-Supa?

Why does these ads picture those gorgeous women who definitely need no support of any kind to conserve the perkiness of their bosom? Haha - here we go... It's because of the Teenager Boys! Perfectly acceptable evening reading material - with hands under the blanket, most likely.

<--- A Pair of nicely Perky Ones, made with Busto-Plasty

By the way, my Lady Readers - you would not buy a Busto-Plasty product if it was advertised with an image of a woman truly needing some titty-tight-up - kinda having two wallets hanging from her shoulders - nonono. It's the end result that needs to be forged into our imaginations. Basic rule of marketing - do not show the problem, show the solution and end result!

System Reinstall completed - 70 minutes exactly - seems my trusty Mac is back online! Will continue there...

Never use work mobile phone during your free time

Not only is such action likely against your company policy, but also features a risk for serious mishaps. Picture this: Saturday after heavy Preventive Conservation, no dinner, badly slept night, high stress-levels, no breakfast, hair of the dog - and ***pling*** you start practicing some telephone terrorism - and to save some Euro's, you do it with your work mobile. Does not promise good, does it?

A Telephone Terrorist in Burka, with no need of Busto-Plasty --->

Almost the worst happened to Mooses last weekend. Finding traces of calls made to a couple of manager colleagues in my phone on Sunday and not remembering if I actually talked with them did not feel good. Bless the Goddess! No harm done, apparently the calls did not go through. Pheew! Lesson learned!

Mooses says: Ladies - Put Your Nipples to the Wind and Terrorize the ManKind!

PS. It is tempting to expand the topic into Design-A-Vagina and Anal Bleaching direction, but due to the sensitivity and images of those topics, Mooses decides not to. For the ones interested, there's Google. Neither will you find famous images like Robert Mapplethorpe's Man in Polyester Suit here.

Mooses's Weekend Long-Drink Recipe: Screw-A-Driver


Hadsome measure of Vodka (use Finlandia or Stolichnaya - absolutely not Absolut)
Freshly squeezed Orange Juice
Galliano
Orange Slice
Ice

Build in a tall glass of app. 25 cl.

Fill the glass with ice, pour in the Vodka. Top up with Orange Juice, stir. Finally pour gently a half-measure of Galliano on top (called "float"), do not stir afterwards. Decorate with a slice of Orange. And before you ask, Galliano is essential. Otherwise the stuff is just plain Vodka Orange. And canned juice is like "What the F*ck?" - use proper ingredients or opt for some Tart Fuel instead.

Mooses says: time for some DIY, Dudes!

Do It Yourself!

DIY is one helluva business. Most of the Folks with own houses/apartments turn into it - mostly without any idea about what actually needs to be done. Only with an idea about the final result. DIY - which traditionally involves understanding of materials (like wood, ceramics, thickness of timber, types of glues, sizes of screws...) - has through times been a Male Hobby. You know, bragging around at the house who somebody has already finished waving a hammer for a couple of important details: a nail to hang up the mandatory Picture of the Mother in Law. Our endless appraisals for the good work! The kick must be the Power Tools.

<--- Just Two Hands and Black & Decker - oops, one hand and...

Times have changed

DIY's prominent positions as Nr 1 Male hobby is seriously challenged. Nerds and even Women go DIY nowadays! Hardware shops feature season's gimmicks like pot-plants, give out Design Magazines with easy-to-make newspaper stands made of MDF - and yes! - Designer Pot Plant Holders you can easily make out of air-pipe brackets with creative touch of fancy spray paint. Mmmm - Lovely! (If some of you, Opossums, get an idea to make them as present for Mooses's roof terrace opening, be warned! The fence is not that high...)

All this just to lure the desperate DIY'ers in, to buy super expensive can of decorative paint? But do they actually tell you how to make a tiled bathroom floor with a floor heating - preferably so that the water does not flow into your bedroom? And if you ask for an advice, do they know how to? No. Neither have they any idea if that EUR 39,95 drill is capable of making a hole into your reinforced concrete wall. They never did it themselves - being well trained they leave it for The Pros.

Choice is yours

If you insist on spending lotsa money by the DIY shops, by all means, do so. You will enjoy the Endless Swirl of Fresh Ideas which will enhance the style your home with the latest trends, forms and colours. If you know how to work with the materials, that is.

And now just smooth it all out gently. --->

Latest Gig: flexible dry-wall - perfect for making groovy 70's structures! Easy as Cake: sketch your design, get some incredible flex-boards, make a quick drawing on your floor and start bending! Boards flex like a dream - true. But did they tell you about how to finish the surfaces, plaster it to look like that Smooth Disco Wall you had in mind? Or even how to fix that shit up to the ceiling? No, of course not. This is only about the curving gypsum board. We thought you already knew the rest! Oh, how about Plastering then? The materials are so cheap - cannot be that difficult...

Moose loves DIY

Mooses comes from a Construction Family and can Handle a Hammer. And a Screwdriver. Can even make a proper one. However the advice is:

Nr. 1) DIY shops rip you off with prices.  

Nr 2) People working at DIY shops cannot make a single wall even coloured themselves - they like "giving it an effect".

Nr 3) DIY shops are for rich wankers.

<--- And now just smooth it all out gently.

Go and find a good specialist store at you area and talk with them. Paying for some services will save you money at the end. Do not glue your own shit pipes under the floor, will you!

Always wear proper protection! --->
See more Hilarious Inventive Ideas!

 


Mooses says: DIY is for Well Initiated People only.

(and where did I put that remote controller of my new remote-controllable bedroom lights...)

Elisabeth Schwarzkopf - come and sing to Mooses!

Kramer and The Lord of the Ants - both of whom need to go to the office tomorrow - being mortals - entertained Mooses. Right! Mooses wanted to get invited into The Donna Summer Fan Club the other night! NO DICE - but fantastic birthday present - a Chinese Massage! Thanks, Pal! Thanks a lot!

Thanks Dude! You know what I like! Up to his toes, the China Girl goes, David Bowie. Honest, Great, No Happy Ending... WOW! Had to come back home without my imaginatory friend and this quoted young opera singer from the last bar. Please join me to Pijp tomorrow!

Mooses IS for classic music. Fuck, I played violine and trumpet myself! Horror! Rimsky - fingers off Scheherazade! Bach - come on! Mozart - let's have a drink! Sibelius - Walz oh so Triste!

Short one tonight. Have to get ready for Elisabeth Scwartzkopf. All knobs to the South East and Goddess Bless my neighbours.

Classics? Never trust Wikipedia. So you are the one who actually did all that Mozart so well? Erm... Let the kids learn.



Mooses says: Listen and Learn! (BTW: Josh Groban, try Mozart - and I mean singing...)


Erm: It would be very unpolite not to recognize the Birthday Present given by The Lord of Ants. Mooses enoyed a full hour of Bang-a-Shit by the Local Chinese Massage Parlour. The Lady knew what to do with Mooses! No Happy Ending, not necessary either. Thanks, Pal, again! Made me feel great!

MacArthur´s Park is melting in the dark

It is Spring Equinox 2008, Mooses turned 46

If I Could Turn Back Time...

Spring was never waiting for us, girl
It ran one step ahead
As we followed in the dance
Between the parted pages and were pressed,
In love's hot, fevered iron
Like a striped pair of pants

The Good Old Disco Times

[Chorus]

MacArthur's Park is melting in the dark

All the sweet, green icing flowing down...
Someone left the cake out in the rain
I don't think that I can take it
'Cause it took so long to bake it
And I'll never have that recipe again
Oh, no!

I recall the yellow cotton dress
Foaming like a wave
On the ground around your knees
The birds, like tender babies in your hands
And the old men playing chinese checkers by the trees

[Chorus]

There will be another song for me
For I will sing it
There will be another dream for me
Someone will bring it
I will drink the wine while it is warm
And never let you catch me looking at the sun
And after all the loves of my life
After all the loves of my life
You'll still be the one.

I will take my life into my hands and I will use it
I will win the worship in their eyes and I will lose it
I will have the things that I desire
And my passion flow like rivers through the sky.
And after all the loves of my life
After all the loves of my life
I'll be thinking of you
And wondering why.

MacArthur's Park is melting in the dark

All the sweet, green icing flowing down...
Someone left the cake out in the rain
I don't think that I can take it
'Cause it took so long to bake it
And I'll never have that recipe again
Oh, no!
Oh, no
No, no
Oh NO!!

The Star Today, live on stage --->

Mooses says: Use good quality moisturizer daily! *snort* ...I Feel Love and hope it is not the Last Chance, Donna! Cher, eat your heart out. Being a Dark Lady does not count!

Bubble-Wrap entertained Pussy

Day at the office was the last one before a good break - having a week plus without RACI. Luxury! "Where will you travel during your time off, Mooses?" ... "Praxis!" Sounds like one serious week of DIY - and abuse of power tools for egg painting. Mooses is really looking forward to the Holy Holidays!

After a short creative break, Mooses enjoyed a delightful evening with Milano and Emil. (Sorry for the previous confusion - the names of the brothers are based on their second names, the name of the Lady is any Italian city.)

Emil and Milano took such good care of Mooses. It is almost impossible to describe the appreciation. Full table of Indian Food followed by endless rows of Sambuca and questionable smokes kept us entertained until very late morning hours.

A Grey Cat called Scratchalot got our undivided attention and while being semi-eaten alive by the gorgeous beast, Mooses could not help noticing the odd decoration feature in the room. What the heck does 9 sqm of bubble-wrap on the living room floor actually mean? It is not the first time Mooses has been invited into a Fetish Party - but large quantities of Bubble Wrap on the living room floor? Mooses is a Cat-God-Father!

Emil satisfies Mooses's curiosity

"It is just when we get drunk and and high and the Pussy decides to run around the apartment (while I am hiding behind a door) and wants to attack me... Then the Pussy runs towards me, puts suddenly the brakes full on, and glides against a wall in the soft bubble wrap going: Miaouw!" Mooses understands Fetish People well - particularly when described by a motorbiker.

On the other hand (or on the other hand), this Link.Me.With.People.I.Have.Nothing.To.Do.With.Anymore -site has proven to be effective. After just a couple of weeks there, Mooses has received (and sent) co(u)ntless contact requests from/to people long lost. The question is: Why?

Italian Magick Tradition

But great things happen as well while on line. Mooses´s ever so favourite Team Leader from ages ago, Brown Danger, takes contact. After leaving the company and getting seriously into the family life and travel business, she tells Mooses that all is fine. Mooses needs more details before believing it.

But can we get back into that old idea of finding an old Italian Tradition Teacher for Mooses? I still cannot tune my Olive Oil on Water correctly!

Mooses says: time for a full defrag - will reboot tomorrow...

Scharrel or Fabergé, Sir?

Carl Gustavovich Fabergé was born in St. Petersburg in 1846 developing into one of the most well known goldsmiths ever. His designs and works of his elite goldsmith team became favorites of the Tzars Aleksander III and Nicholas II of Russia, so he was appointed as the Russian Court Goldsmith and later of the Swedish Court, too.

Fabergé's notoriously flamboyant Easter Eggs made of gold, other valued metals, enamel, pearls and precious stones represented the ultimate in goldsmith skills at the turn of the 19th and 20th century.

Tzar Nicholas II used to order two Fabergé eggs every year, one for his mother and the other for his wife, Alexandra. OTMA, the four daughters of Nicholas, were not allowed to play with the eggs.

 Not a toy for OTMA --->

 


Olga, Tatiana, Maria and Anastasia

Due Nicholas´s frequent visits to Eastern Finland and Helsinki and additionally due to one of Fabergé´s sons emigration to Finland, this Goldsmith Family enjoys a special place in the heart of the obscene rich Finns. It´s also important to recognize that quite a few of Fabergé´s best goldsmiths were Finns.

(Definite positive development from making a mämmiropponen.)


 

Vegetarian Easter Egg Traditions


Scharrel Eggs are laid by vegetarian chicken and their yolks are more orange-yellow than of a standard egg. They are produced by the gazillions and readily available at your local grocery store.

You can easily decorate them yourself using food colouring, crayons, coloured pencils, onion peels, candle wax, water-based latex paints, beaver pelts, lobster shells, ink-jet printer, electric razor, pneumatic drill or a shot gun. Let your creativity flow freely!

"Oh Fuck, it cracked! %£@%$&*)$&!!!!" --->

Mooses is convinced that somewhere, there are the belongings of a Long Lost Grand-Aunt, among which a box of half a dozen of Fabergé eggs just waiting to be found.

On the top of the box, there's a yellowed card with text written in a shaky hand writing:

"To my Dear Little Mooses: Happy Easter! Auntie."




Mooses says: There's more profound symbolism in a Fabergé than in a Scharrel Egg.

Whale Burger at Strøget
 
Did you know that the Danes used an insect-based coloring to make the famous Pølse-sausages so distinctively bright red? The colour originates from crunched, boiled and dried larvae of an insect feeding on cactus plants. Those creepy-crawlers are the source for colour Cochenille. Same colour was used to give that bright red tone to Campari, until it was banned from edible stuff, but still used by cosmetic industry - along whale fat from Greenland.

<--- A Creepy Crawler with a colourful little secret

No worries, the same lavish, slightly bluish red tone has been reproduced synthetically and we can still enjoy a bright coloured Campari-Soda and those delicious red sausages between the rides at Tivoli in Copenhagen.

 

Some old-school readers might still remember, however, when the colouring agent was changed and the foam on the top of the glass of Campari-Soda went much paler. Mooses does!

Go Greenland!

But in the meantime Danish economy has developed enormously - without the EURO of course. Back in the history are the times of un-employment and movement of Danish youngsters to Sweden. The Danish Queen Margrethe, smokes happier than ever! And the rest of the Nordic Countries lack Danish speakers.

Was it the Blue or the Red Pill, Silvia? --->

Archaeology vs. Catherine Deneuve

What to do? Where to find a Dane? Even a small one would do! Think out of the box - Go Greenland! While the gargantuan ice-mass on the island of Greenland is melting due to global warming, Greenlanders are at the same time loosing their old ways of getting along.


Lack of Danish language in Sweden comes to rescue and Greenlanders emigrate to Sweden en masse, taking their Pet Seals along. Handsome wilderness and unspoiled forests with sparsely inhabited small towns provide a safe-haven and new hunting grounds for stranded Greenlanders.

Social Change Management

Social Change Management is needed for perfect integration, so the Swedish, Turkish-owned Pizzeria's are redoing their lunch menus. Daily Special "Dagens" changes from a Moose Burger into a Whale Burger.


<--- A Great Dane. after a crate of Tuborg.

To satisfy the new demand, ships loaded with legally hunted Greenland whale (for marine science research) which have been cleanly chopped into bite-size pieces and shipped deep-frozen to Japan (for investigation by marine biologists at the Tokyo Sushi Bars) are now diverted to Sweden and that research material used for the lunch-burgers.

Moose stroll in the Swedish forests without fear again.

Mooses says: Learn to speak Whale!

Are there Snakes in Ireland?

It is St. Patrick's Weekend! All the Irish folks go Guinness using the excuse of the Day of the Saint for their drunkedness. Fair enough - we Finns do it for the 1st of May (vappu), midsummer (juhannus) or any other day that links us with our pagan history. And they are many! Best shots during those parties are done using Olympus digital camera, like scottny in his lovely little home video tells :o))) This Patrick bloke, however, is a bit controversial...

Banishing the snakes

"St. Patrick, the patron saint of Ireland, is one of Christianity's most widely known figures. But for all his celebrity, his life remains somewhat of a mystery.

<--- Patrick prefers Panasonic digital camera. Kjell is thrilled!

One Sad Snake not welcome to Ireland --->

Many of the stories traditionally associated with St. Patrick, including the famous account of his banishing all the snakes from Ireland, are false, the products of hundreds of years of exaggerated storytelling." But the truth remains, the are no snakes on the Emerald Island! It is simply a geo-biological fact due to the island not having land-linkage with the European mainland and previous ice ages freezing away any snakes that could have lingered around at the very, very old times.

Black & White at the Angel Bar

Managed to get out tonight, not just staying home at my keyboard. A genuinely nice Lady from the local Angel Bar invited me to celebrate her aging. No reason to worry, Dear, your ravishing looks go a long way! No need for the Blue pill or the Red pill! You are simply gorgeous! Mooses was only missing his Sony digital camera.

Along come friends representing more culture. Young love is precious and Mooses decides to go easy. Lord of the Ants is present and evening develops towards a change of scenery. Being renown Amsterdam Tour Guide, he leads us towards a newly opened bar owned by friends.

<--- Turkish Delight, sweet as a Nikon Digital Camera

Ordeal turns out to be a nice walk in Jordaan area (name coming from French word Jardin - a Garden) and a return to practically where we left. Some IUI's (Injuries Under Influence) occured.

Taxi is Public Transport

Head for Led Zeppelin and waterholes at the area. With my dear friends, the Turkish Delight and the Leprechaun, we ended at the Bar for the Hopeless. After a couple of pints of Guinness - and for the Mooses, Cointreau's - life started to catch up again. Mobile phones with photo-ability should be banished - like snakes from Ireland! With Canon digital camera one of course can. What a lovely night!

A Little Man in a Green Suit --->

The end of the tale is a pretty one. No fights whatsoever. And the Leprechaun even manages to get us a cab! Digging for all those potatoes must have taught her more skills than meets the eye!

Moose says: Happy St. Patrick's Day! - Brought to you by ExpoTV! (Mooses goes Commercial - LOL!)

All about Eve - and Mämmi

Bette Davis glittered in movie All About Eve in 1951 (won 6 Oscars). Finns have been making Mämmi for Easter much longer. There´s a strange connection with those two - not necessarily the best looks, but weirdly delicious...

Mämmi is made of water, malt and rye flour with syrup and some orange peel flavoring. Process of making Mämmi is very slow, including first boiling and then baking in the oven for ages. Traditionally Mämmi is baked in a low, square box made out of birch tree bark and called "ropponen". Birch tree bark is very beautiful and pliable and in the spring when Mämmi is made, also easy to loosen from the trees. The bark gave also its own little extra taste to Mämmi, which is missing from the modern, industrial cardboard-ropponen versions. Making a mämmiropponen is a highlight of Traditional Finnish Arts and Crafts!

<--- Bette Davis and her eyes.



The result of this elaborate kitchen exercise is extremely thick, blackish brown stuff which is eaten refrigerator cold with cream and a sprinkle of sugar. The visual looks of Mämmi should not scare you! (Same can be said about Bette Davis.) Taste of Mämmi is uniquely sweet, maybe something along an ultra-dense full-grain brownie soaked in Guinness with a dash of Orange Juice. Yummy!

Because Mämmi is Mooses´s childhood favourite, it is occasionally referred to in this blog. Mooses eats it once a Decade.

A portion of Mämmi, right out of ropponen --->
Colloquial Politeness vs. The Old School
Rain in Spain stays Mainly on the Spaniards
Facts about Mooses

Bette Davis was a carbon-based life form born 1908 and after an astonishing career in films, died in 1989. Her famous looks gave inspiration to Kim Carnes´s song: Bette Davis Eyes.

Mooses says: Have a Mämmi and a Smile!

Facts about Mooses

"Mooses" is not plural of "Moose" (or Elk). Mooses is the name of one pretty famous Bloke from one pretty famous Book.

You recall Egypt and parting the waters? Not him, the other one... Spelling is Finnish and will stay that way.

 Male Moose on exuberant Spring Fields. --->

And by the way, Mooses is way more handsome than even a young Moose!




For the ones interested, the origin of the name is in the beginning of this blog. Full name is Mooses Pessi. Any questions? Use the Comment Feature and best ones will be answered. Winner gets a box of Mämmi!

Just to let you know, Mommie Dearest.

Mooses says: Be again Welcome to Nymphomania!

Seven Deadly Sins - 2008 Edition

New times require new standards. The Famous Seven are outdated - including the movie. Who's today worried about a some good'ol Lust (punishment: being smothered in fire and brimstone), Gluttony (punishment: being forced to eat rats, toads and snakes), Greed (punishment: being put in cauldrons of boiling oil), Sloth (punishment: being thrown into a snake pit), Anger (punishment: being dismembered alive), Envy (punishment: being put in freezing water) or Pride (punishment: being broken on a wheel)?

All that bla-bla-bla is so Jurassic! Not that many people even understand the old concepts. Gluttony? Something in bread that kids are allergic to? Or where they not the ice-creams OLA made the other summer? Safest is of course simply adhere to the Seven Holy Virtues instead: Chastity, Abstinence, Temperance, Diligence, Patience, Kindness and Humility.
 
<--- Lot and his wife got out on time. But then the Bitch got second thoughts...

Reinvent The SIN. Time to scare the Modern Man: Vatican announces the New 7 Deadly Sins! "Being rich is actually dangerous to your soul!" says a TV-cute catholic priest to an interviewer. Mooses feels immediate empathy for Queen Elisabeth and King Gates. They were both doomed overnight!

At this moment, Vatican City´s official web site does not list the details, but web is full of interpretations. Most common list include: Polluting, Genetic Engineering, Obscene riches, Taking drugs, Abortion, Pedophilia, Causing Social Injustice. Kinda makes sense and feels more at home. But Come On! How do you read this list then? Erm...

The New Seven Deadly Sins

Causing Social Injustice: You call a person with weird English accent a Moron. Not in balance with your fellow man! Punishment: washing one´s mouth with soap in public.

Taking drugs: You sip some wine from the chalice on Sunday. Alcohol is the #2 Killer Chemical! Punishment: been displayed in public, naked and covered in own vomit.

Polluting: You play loud music using a bad quality MP3 player in a rush-hour bus. Destroying the auditive environment of fellow men. Punishment: being force-fed with 50 German Schlager CD´s in public.

<--- DNA - A Beautiful Sin

Annie Lennox - A Beautiful Sin with good DNA --->

 

Obscene Riches: You get a 7 Million Euro handshake from Albert Heijn as farewell. Bragging and making others envy you. Punishment: public clipping of all credit cards. Punishment to the one who Envies you: being put in freezing water.

Pedophilia: You know what this is, you piece of shit. Punishment: a really bad one!

Abortion: You have your first sex experience while drunk during a high-school party and get accidentaly pregnant. Punishment: suffer the consequences until you die, you asked for it! And you were taking drugs - deserves a double punishment.

Genetic Engineering: You find a cure for Alzheimer and get a Nobel Price for it. Punishment: your own DNA will be fed to pigs - in public!

Mooses says: "Don´t Mess with a Missionary Man!"

Mooses´s Weekend Soup Recipe: Salmon & Chives "Fumé"

App. 150 gr of Cold-Smoked Salmon - 200 gr is not too much
(trims do well, no point using nice filets, but of course you may)
2-3 Shallot Onions
Good handful of fresh Chives
(don´t scrooge - fresh and quite a lot)
2-3 dl of fresh, thick Double Dream
Some Fish Stock
Some Butter
Freshly ground White Pepper
Powdered Cayenne Pepper
2 bottles of chilled, nice, dry White Wine

Open the wine, pour a glass for yourself and enjoy it for a while. Cooking is all about having fun, is it not? Before you´re at half a bottle, chop onions and chives finely, and cut the salmon into tiny, even sized pieces.

Melt the butter in a kettle, add onions and simmer on low heat until translucent and soft. Do not burn but let colour slightly. Add the salmon, stir everything together, add some white wine (half a glass or so) and all the cream right away. While stirring, let become to boil and add the chopped chives (save some for serving). Bring again to boil and if needed, add some fish stock until thickness is according to your liking. Spice up gently with white pepper and a pinch of cayenne. When the soup is boiling hot again, it´s ready - it does NOT require boiling.

Finish the first bottle of wine while setting up the table. Serve the soup, garnished with the rest of the chopped chives. And goes without saying, accompanied with the second bottle of wine.

Serves 6 but does not allow another serving then. And folks will want it. So serves actually only 3-4.

Mooses says: Three main ingredients of French Kitchen are: Butter, butter and butter.

Colloquial Politeness vs. The Old School

Dutch is a Living Language and develops interesting twists to match the needs of contemporary communication. Ease of use and swiftness are important features to keep the kids learning and using the opportunities of Dutch mother tongue and not fall into the easy trap of Amsterdam street dialect blending any common word of any language together into a horrifying mess. It is OK to spell "Cadeau" as "Kado" to follow the pronunciation. Why go "weekeinde", "weekend" is just fine. And so is officially also the Surinam Dutch with its utter efficiency and lack of confusing polite forms. No need for "would you", "may I" or "please", tell what you want in an easy way - to the point, "give me!"

Iedereen houw van Duku.

So based on Van Dale, "Bitch, geef mij Duku!" should do the trick and translates "My dear Girlfriend, may I have some money, please?" So why should somebody English then get upset if a South African call agent asks (to his/her best polite ability) "Gimme your serial number, Maaan!" meaning simply "Sir, may I have the serial number of your unit, please?" Simply not efficient and sheer waste of time, eh?

Finnish for Foreigners - just teeny-weeny little bit...

Speaking polite, correct Finnish is very difficult. In Finland, Lenita Airisto is still - among the TV old-timer news readers - one of the very few gifted who can do it without sounding ridiculous.

<--- Lenita, knows the difference between "mämmistyisitkö" and "mämmistyisittekö".

With the 30.000 or so ways to modify a single verb, all those post and pre-positions, fancy way of stating the time plus the infamous conditional makes Finnish a true brain-twister. Try using the singular variant of everything else but plural form of the person in a same sentence - without an error while having a civilized conversation. Nobody but Lenita actually even dares to try it anymore.

In Finnish the above request for a serial number would be: "No anna se sarjanumero nyt ja vähän äkkiä, senkin Äijänkäppänä!"


Now Opossums, analyze the following sentence grammatically:

"Lämmittäisittekö mämmimme mämminlämmittimellänne?"

Answer using the comment option below, include English translation and phonetic pronunciation marks as well. Correct answer wins a box of Mämmi, Finnish Easter delicacy.

Mooses says: Finnish = Words made in Heaven, Grammar made in Hell!

Paradise, no, Saturday Lost.

This is not America, la la la la la la... Falcon and Snowman. Cold War. David Bowie. US presidential pre-election. My private Idaho. Dreaming in Colours. Bitter Moon. Global Warming. Slavic Europeans. Windaloo. But the tests yesterday with hygienic hand wash gels... have to dissapoint you, my Opossums, had no time to test the gel at the office. Please test it yourself and report back!

Visited my personal (antroposofic) doctor the other morning. All the RACI at the office had given me a rash which did not self-heal and needed some anti-fungal treatment. 2 weeks, 2 tablets a day and likely not having any red spots anymore. Mooses goes naked! Medication is not sensitive to sunlight or alcohol, so having my fungus tablets and rushing for a drink at closest solarium...

<--- A RACI-free Smurf Is there a cure for RACI?

Oh, almost forgot The Smurfs

Albert Heijn (local supermarket chain famous for bad book-keeping) has bought 30 million (thirty million) little plastic figurines picturing the famous Smurfs. Holland goes crazy! For every 15 Euro's you get a FREE Smurf!

Buy and get for free?
 

The more you buy at AH, the more Smurfs you get! Fair? People with kids get stressed. Schools ban Smurf-trading and mothers are forced to it at the office. Public demands more Smurfs! National Guard is called in to contain the Mass Demonstrations to get Gargamel's Cat figures un-wrapped for easier collecting! AH gets even more publicity because of it. For Free!

Why is this kind of advertising allowed in NL when it is banned in the Nordics? So much easier to go shopping with kids there. "Free" (gratis) actually means that you do not need to pay - or buy to get for "free". There's a trick in it ... got it?

Sweetie got the wrong Smurf --->

Holland is Smurfed, Big Time!

Whoever sold the Smurf idea to Albert Heijn deserves a medal! Mooses hails you and your team! Just by riding on an old, sweet Belgian cartoon character Les Schtroumpfs (from 1958), you made it! People have not changed: everybody likes cute characters behaving like humans but not being human. And just at this time, two generations who like Smurfs co-exist. Bloody Clever! Mooses collects Smurfs, too, and any kind is welcome! The more the merrier! Mooses gets them from friends who get them for free (and almost lost the latest delivery among the week-end trashes, but no, found them back!)

Mooses says: Give me your Smurf!

Happy Birthday to Me!

Encouraged by the Hand Wash Bulletin the other day, Mooses decided to give it a try. During afternoon coffee break time I entered the Gents at the office with The Number 1 in mind. After the relieving operation, according to the famous bulletin it is time to wash your hands.

Watering my hands, squeezing some soap from the handy wall mounted dispenser on them and starting the processing phase; for 20 seconds... Safety first and timing is essential - singing "Happy Birthday" twice and scrubbing like a Maniac!

<--- Mooses scrubbing vigorously

If Mooses had good singing voice, there would already be a Christmas Album with Kiri te Kanawa: "Joyous Christmas Moments with Mooses and an Aboriginal". But no, Mooses was not blessed with that, but with countless other admirable and rare skills.


*scrub, scrub* "Happy Birthday to Me, *scrub* Happy Birthday to Me, Happy Birthday Dear Myself, *scrub, scrub* Happy Birthday to Me! *scrub, scrub, scrub - deep breath* Happy Birthday to Me, Happy Birthday to Me, *scrub* Happy Birthday Dear Mooses, Happy Birthday to Me!" *final scrub*

And so true, my hands turned out incredibly clean. Wonderful! Even if I forgot to use the paper towel, which I used to dry my operating-theater-qualified hands, to close the faucet and open the door out, I felt like Million Dollars! (not much to brag about in Euro's nowadays.)

Tad of hygienic moisturizer with mild self-tanning effect would seal the success nicely. But why did I get all those looks?

"Happy Birthday to me???" --->

Maybe I should have used the version from movie Madagascar ending: "... You look like a Monkey, and you smell like one, too!"


This must be explored further: it is Friday tomorrow, so will bring some germicidal hand wash gel and a timer to the office and test which gives better results: using a timer - or singing 1,5 times "Happy Birthday".

Mooses says: Sing if you're glad to be Gay! (Tom Robinson, 1978)

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Is there a cure for RACI?

Winter months are risky times what comes to contagious airborne diseases. Public transport is full of coughing adults targeting their ammunition towards your general direction and runny-nosed kiddos wiping their little hands clean of the snot on the seat handles. You hear "Bless You!" more often than "Hello!" Oh Joy - but the worst is over for this winter already.

However in the office environment, a deep-rooted and highly contagious disease is luring totally uncontained - RACI is all over! It spreads from team to team draining its´ victims of energy, making heads spin helplessly and causing involuntary fingers-down-the-throat sign language. Spring is just around the corner paving the way for the reorganisations - and those events are just what RACI is waiting for. There is little to stop the raging RACI-march through the innocently unaware crowds. Your only hope is awareness.

<--- A RACI Victim

Be well prepared - RACI Season is here!

Two most common first symptoms of RACI are:

1. Your agenda gets blocked with discussion and review meetings and your mail server´s file system corrupted by Gigabytes of draft presentations.
   
2. Your days disappear while involved with follow-ups with infected folks and you´re not able to catch-up with your actual work.
   

At this stage, RACI can in most cases be cured with off-the-counter Outlook-blockers and Sapphire treatments.

Untreated, RACI can develop additional, severe symptoms like:

1. You become disoriented, concentrating on counting how many times a term "Accountable" is explained in different ways during the meetings. (RACI is getting into your brain.)
   
2. You feel common sense vanishing into thin air and you loose ability to understand your colleagues. You loose trust into Human Kind. (RACI starts affecting your personality.)
   

At this stage of RACI, careful application of Private Events and Winter Holidays to ones´ agenda have proven effective. These should always be accompanied with high dosage of Bombay or recognized herbal-based remedies administered by trained professionals!

Mooses says: If you get infected by RACI, don't hide it but seek help - you are not alone!

Sorry Catherine!

Look who just called asking me to join for a beer at the the locals! Sorry Catherine, you did not send me an X-Mas card. Too busy to talk about Botox tonight, Dear. Mooses believes in Paralox á la AbFab.

Have to go now - evening is chilling down and Mooses needs some spicing up. Did I hear you used to spice your undies using Cayenne Pepper, Catherine? Patrick, Mooses is on his way, order a round of Sapphire Shots, will you!

Mooses says: Play Poker - Royal Flush beats Two Queens!