Mooses is in Love with a Roof Terrace!
...facing serious financial ball-in-chain years until he becomes 70.


After one and a half year of active searching, it finally appeared - a cool top floor apartment with an apallingly large roof terrace. (Some of the Luels who saw some pics today asked if I had bought a parking lot on a roof... No I have not, it has a toilet as well!) And it carries a price tag a mortal person actually can afford. Call me a Prissy Princess or just a Fancy Fruitcake but never claim that Master Mooses has no patience!

For a selected and very fortunate individuals, there might be a possibility for an invitation to a Queen's Day Roof Party this coming spring. Keep on flattering me, you Schmucks! :o=))) Additionally, Iero comes! Holy Holiday is turning into a Finnish Party with a potential of male-dominated eating and drinking feast balanced with female Mental Expertise in Day and Night Wear. (Nothing wrong with such venues, though.)

How about your X-Mas, Opossums? Tell me!

Mooses says: If you never lived beyond your financial capacity, you never felt like living!

How do you make Iero Come?

Mooses was confronted with a mystery last night. It was the 6th of December, the Independence Day of Finland. After a two day training about negotiation techniques, he decided to do some telephone terrorism and call my friends in the Cold North. Mooses wanted to test his BATNA, Iero being one of the victims.

<--- Batna, Algeria: " Batna has little to offer in itself, in fact most parts of it is terribly ugly, with endless cheap apartment blocks."

All went along the usual tracks but the Global Warming had kept the surroundings there snow-less and general murkiness seemed to be the guiding light - or lack of it. Grmpfl! But along the lines, this bigger-than-life-mystery arose: how can you make Iero come?

Being an internationally known travel advisor Mooses says: do not go to Finland during winter time if there is no snow! People are not on a good mood and the scenery is devastatingly grey.

While waiting for the X-Mas, I want to start an online questionneer: all are welcome to answer - use the comment possibility here. The question is:

Actually how do you make Iero come?

Do not ask what/who Iero is, just use your imagination and suggest various ways of doing it. Mooses guarantees that Iero gets all the suggestions - uncensored!

Mooses says: Iero may eventually come or come not. Iero is blessed.

Goddess Bless, Life is Good!

Just landed home from an Ukranian Birthday Party arranged by Nadia in AMS North. Brilliant! Met an old friend, talked nonsense and on the way home, redecorated the living room of a couple of heteros. Enjoyed the presence of the White Rabbit and in my black suit, made impression to the shabby crowd. And the Lady of Honour got a necklace every man would like to see her wearing, only...

But hey, a totally nutcase and hilariously funny friend of Mooses wants to become the first Finnish Astronaut. Mooses blesses him! Fly, Sami, fly! To give the story a bit more body, please have a look at Frogthroat here.

Sami has promised that Mooses, being the second contributor, can have the Boxer Shorts he is wearing on the flight. Mooses will get a Crystal Box made for them and people will travel long distances to admire that relic. Mooses will sell tickets...

<--- Mausoleum for Sami's Boxer Shorts

Moose says: Send Sami to Space!

Send Sami to Space - SS2S Project is Live!

A genuinely crazy Finnish friend of Mooses has decided to be the first Finn in Space. And that is a goal indeed, my dear Opossums! Sami has started a project called "SS2S" to finance the ordeal. Only a modest US 200.000 is needed, so considering all the money going to other good causes, it is totally achievable.

So get you credit cards out and go to the blog: Frogthroat

Join the community, buy the T-Shirt! Why wait - time is limited, because sun will destroy the Earth in mere 5 billion years! (You see it every night at the Restaurant at the End of the Universe, though.)

<--- A Final Countdown


Mooses says: donate to SS2S

Smells like IT Spirit!

"Blogger's performance has been sluggish this morning. The culprit seems to be a bunch of spammers creating spam blogs at a high-rate. We are locking the spam creators out from Blogger and monitoring the system to see that there are no other issues. Thanks for your patience."

Thanks for your patience? I do not have any! Find those bastards, dip them in tar and feathers and hang them onto the closest lamp-post as warning to anybody else trying to do the same! "We are locking the spam creators..." Get out of it! Hinternet is full of idiots ! Hire some Nerds to keep their eye on your servers.

<--- A Nerd keeping eye on Blogger's Servers

"Someone left my cake out in the rain and I can´t find the recipe again."

Mud will be flung tonight!

Mr. Cheesy Claw is recovering from his cheesy approach to the universe wearing a very sexy beard. It makes you look slim and very approachable!
Dr. Kaboom, who decided to move to a world-famous bank in Holland as an IT messer-up had his holidays in the banana-countries. And with his new driving licence he is more mobile than ever!
Mau is overly exchausted with his work and decided to kill himself and donate the outcome to the Mountain Goats of Tibet. Mooses was only interested if he left any stylish shoes? He refuses to wear any and took our advice to keep alive...
Auntie Man's sister put some Japanese needles into my neck the other evening and helped me over yet another week. That Woman is Sharp, I can tell!
Auntie Man has still not found his Leaking Duck but searching. Any petite-ladies around are adviced to make contact. A good man is going to go to waste otherwise.
Mr. Organ still has a close relationship with Helmut, and finds the company of Interesting IT People in the city better than ours. Funny he has not introduced any compilers that wear a mini-skirt to us yet?
Kiwi's are gone - or having to demonstrate that the back-drop of Lord of the Rings was actually real. Must be heavy to be unique after the whole world has been disclosed with that secret.
The Wicked Bitch from the East has shown excellent social gualities lately. Mooses has grown to like him. Hey, he claims not to pay for sex ... who does, Dear?
Ms. Rwanda missed excellent and personally prepared Indian dinners at least once, Mr. Ebony Luv got shown the door, New Girlies are learning the names and the numbers of The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, DD is gorgeous as ever, Budda-Buddy has realized that it is a good thing go give free drinks to the League, Young Man have learned the multiplication at school, Mooses is Learning Indonesian and enjoying pretty pictures. Life is good!

BTW: Mooses is in lyyve and considering a marriage. So if you ever had any horny feelings towards me you did not disclose, do it now! It might bee too late very soon. (No need to come and ring my doorbell in the middle of the night whining then, you suckers!)

Mooses says: go immediately to www.mentalwear.fi

Yeah, Right!

Mooses is kinda back! It might have taken time, but it has been worth waiting_

So much has happened that my Terabytes cannot recall everything. But one thing is certain - I recalled my password! Not too bad for an Nyphomaniac of my age, eh???

Blog-blog is over and the juices will flow. Follow this blog!

Mooses says: Blogging Rules!

Free your Mind and Rest will Follow!

Cosmopolitan Lifestyle is very weary. The amount of preventive conservation in forms of fermented barley concoctions, flammable beverages with fruit flavors and oral stimulants known to be health-hazards leave a mark even on the most rugged complexion. Combined with emotional stress caused by Lappish Monster Rock and years of computer-work the results can be seen - - - dark under-eyes!

Mooses decided - after seriously considering the alternatives - to go for a (short) holiday instead of emergency liposuction and a facelift. Whatever they say in the ads about the miraculous powers of fruit acid compounds, nothing beats fatique better than a Week of Total Oblivion in Helsinki.

With a bit of luck, one can bump into something with claws and a battle axe that goes "GRAAGH!" in the dark. And they do not wear sweaters made of hand-spun wool dyed at home with onion peels anymore. Rubber and Reindeer skins are in! Birkenstock-Ecco is definitely out. Amen!

Buzzing Night Life in Central Helsinki --->

The second whatsoever-day is on coming Monday and the weekend ahead will be a nicely long. Enjoy it and keep off the darn TV football! Amsterdam is full of local cheese heads in orange already.

Mooses says: devote your life to ignoring football.

Europe has spoken!

Good bye never-ending flow of Euro-Ballads, Euro-Twists, Euro-Etno, Euro-Bitches, Euro-Violins, Euro-Accordions and also the German Euro-Country. Monster Rock from Finnish Lapland Rules!

Finland made a strong statement regarding the Eurovision SongTorture and with their first win ever, shook the very grounds of the whole idiocracy. About time! Goddes help what crap was again shown tonite to the zillions. Bad voices, ugly costumes, totally disastrous songs - but a lot of legs.

And then comes Lordi!

The band has commented their participation to Eurovision being a total joke and having very little - if any at all - appreciation to it. And people from so many countries loved it. If this does not change the style of the "competition" to a bit more fun direction, then the whole Euro-shit should be buried.

<--- A Cuddly Toy from Lapland


Let´s see if the competition next year will be arranged in Lapland by the lakes. That would be cool. The worse time with mosquito's but with the midnight sun...

Mooses says: Hard Rock Hallelujah!

Lordi Rules!

C(o)untless pitch-dark 20-hour-nights during winter, insomnia caused by 20-hour-white-days during summer, salty and fatty diet and extreme amounts of Vodka and standard way of living in Finnish Lapland truly breeds curious creatures! Lordi to be one of them.

This morning my colleagues were grinning about Finland´s this year contribution to the European SongTorture Show referring to a Lappish Monster Rock Band resembling Klingons!? I was out like a mitten from this story and had to check it out. And my fears materialized - it is true! During my protected years in Amsterdam, I had been saved for this phenomena. But now I have to face it - Europe WILL be scared!!!

LOL and KRÄK! These Guys are truly Oudda-Dis-Wööld! Hilariously Ridiculous and Deliciously Tasteless wearing some pretty imaginative stage-costumes. Serious Guys - a group of innocent youngsters having a bit of fun only. Öo)

This Saturday it truly pays to be by the TV and enjoy the pyrotechnics and prosthetics of this band. People in Finland have even contributed privately to ensure that the amount of fire, sparks and explosions during Lordi´s short appearance on stage keeps the Greek Firefighters alert.

Moose says: join the Monsterous Apocalypse and get scared at: http://www.lordi.org/ and http://www.eurovision.tv/english/2469.htm

Since the last entry some water has been flowing through the river Don

Queen´s Day was two weeks ago and went very traditionally hopping around the city and drinking filthy expensive beer from small plastic cups. Somehow the days got mixed up and after ringing the wrong doorbell first, found myself outside a friends house wondering where the party is? After calling him realized I was one day late. Whoops - sorry...

But managed to get to India during these last weeks. One day in Bang-a-Lot makes a Hard Man humble! So nice to see the country and enjoy the spicy foods - never to forget the friendliness of local colleagues. And if somebody around Amsterdam whines about traffic jams, I'll tell them about the local horrors in India. Imagine a road of two lanes being filled from ditch to ditch with all 2 and 4 wheelers/footers including mopeds, pedestrians, cows, buses, lorries, cars, bicycles and any other means of transport - all still moving ahead. "Crazy" is an understatement!

Some local prices: 10 packs of Marlboro: 16 Euro - lunch at the local cantina including coffee and water: 0,50 Euro - good quality tailored cotton shirt: 15 Euro - approximate monthly income locally as a clerk in a shop: 220 Euro - a huge bag of dried chillies: 0,25 Euro - big apartment in the central area: 200K Euro

Been tired and angry lately and had a fit of rage last night. Munchie suggested therapy. What do you think?

Mooses says: Go Guru!

Mooses's Queen's Day Shot Recipe: The Trap

In a shot glass, stir together:
3 cl of Jägermeister
1 cl of Sambuca

Shoot!

Do not even think of making this beauty as 50/50 - it ruins the whole idea.
(Thank you, Maria B. from Helsinki for the original recipe!)

PS. Mr. Claw is correct. "Geomancy" is derived from the Latin "geomantia", which in turn is derived from the Greek for "divination by earth". The Arabic name for geomancy, "ilm al-raml", means "the science of the sand". Mooses meant "Geomatria".

Mooses says: Sorry, I am the Weakest Leek!

Lord of the Ants has returned from the Mother Hill!

An artistic set of agreed mutilations and fiber-rich menu had done him good. Some natural UVA radiation had turned his complexion towards more generally acceptable and his overall habitus was full of energy we mortals have difficulties to accept. Welcome back to the Reality, Dude. Sorry we could not match your enthusiasm today. We´ll return the favor eventually!

No much time to check the knot-densities and materials today, so this becomes a short one. Mau home, Ms. Perky left a minute before our arrival to Herpulandia, Dr. Kaboom preparing for an interview (good luck, Pal!), Cock de Vespa still drip-drying his undies, Olliebollie on a grumpy mood, Ants with too much holiday energy, East-Bunny liking his reflection in the mirrors - and there was Mooses.

Somehow I feel short of words today. Peanut Sauce nuked with pieces of Ex-Chicken (yes, from Api) on my plate - Prison Break on DVD. Saving the verbal-diarrhea for the Queen´s Day, perhaps...


Mooses says: Cheers in Alpaca!

Dear Scheherazade!

Thanks for the carpet, but it does not fly too well. May I return it as a DOA?

Talking about carpets... Dr. Kaboom - 800 knots per sqi sounds like darn lovely stuff. And Yak-Milk Tea as repulsive as a drink can be. And about the Alpaca´s: The Kiwi´s breed them! O Tempora, O Mores!

The Alpaca is the smaller of two breeds of domesticated Camelids from South America. It exists only in a domesticated state and was bred by the Incas and other “Indian” tribes in the Andes, prior to the sixteenth century Spanish Conquest of that country. Although occasionally eaten, Alpacas were kept mainly for their long, lustrous fleece. They were highly valued and even revered by their owners. Until 1863 they were very difficult to obtain outside their country of origin, with South American governments, especially that of Peru, banning their export.

<--- Mooses wearing Alpaca underwear which are in desperate need of Oxi.

In the mid 1980s the New Zealand and Chilean governments came to an agreement allowing Alpacas to be imported direct from South America. This was the start of a new farming venture in New Zealand with hopes for commercial success in the production of camelid fibre. Today there are between two and three thousand Alpacas in this country. (The entire world population is no more than two million.)


Mooses says: Wear Alpaca, it is a Natural Fibre!

Sunday - way past the noon...

While doing my weekend Oxi, Nadia called and lured me to join her and Ernest for dinner in town. I was immediately game! That gave me only a couple of hours to do my shoppie-hoppie and needed to rush. A friend who lives close to Cheesy Town insisted that I´d get a Muir Cap. And Mooses is so bad with fancy hats!

However decided to give it a try and headed to BoB, a shop full of dead cow garments, addressing the clerk: "I have been invited to a Cock & Tail Party and I need a proper hat." He looked at me like I had just landed from another planet and represented an unknown species. But after a while he relaxed demonstrating me the mysteries of Muir Caps. And against my wildest expectations, I actually bought one, with all the bells and whistles.

Rushing forward I bumped into a Witch Shop called "Widdershins". Full of witches of all ages - female - the shop displayed an array of parafernalia out of which a certain item jumped out. Bought if to Mr. Cheesy Claw. He´ll love it - he must love it!

Replacement brush problem

Hunt for replacement brushes to my Philips Sonic-Magic-Wand was difficult. One would expect that any respectful drugstore in the Netherlands would stock brushes to a Dutch-Made toothbrush, but no.
The only place in the center I found them at was the supa-dupa department store Beehive. And for the Beehive price as well! Two for mere 35 Euro´s! Robbery! But the thing does it well - in your mouth, that is.

Had just a moment to spend before meeting Nadja and Ernest so dropped in at the famous web-based sleazy-bar. Nothing to report from there. Too early and local skin-drag-queens on roller-scates actually just irritated me. Headed to La Bamba to meet the friends. A very nice dinner and hilariously funny waiter caressed us to high spirits and we decided to head towards Western Gas Factory. Never arrived to that place on a taxi before. We bumped into a most peculiar close neighbor of mine we all knew and ended up talking drunken nonsense. Eventually time to leave, wobbling across the street home.

Testing new accessories

Somehow my mind had been around the darn cocktail hat and could not resist the temptation to give it a try. Heading out again. Apparently the thing speaks to some local aliens because I was positively addressed by several night-crawlers. Nice, actually. Should I wear it to the office?

Well well. Back to the reality and instant coffee. Sofa looks very tempting now...

Mooses says: Accessorize!

Time for some action again - Oxi Action!

Pile of garments waiting for me to tackle their weary condition. I need that washing machine which dries and irons as well! They do exist; they are called "Wife-o-Mat" but they are not cheap nor easy maintenance.

So before hitting the town, time for the weekly stain-fighting game. My reliable companion, Oxi, will be but into action again!

Tadaa!






Mooses says: Any Day is a bright Oxi Day!

Mooses´s Weekend Soup Recipe: Vichysoisse

6 medium-size Leeks
2 medium-size Onions
3 medium-size Potatoes
app. 5 dl Vegetable Stock

50 gr Butter
2 dl Cream

Salt and Pepper
handful of chopped Chives


Clean, de-grease, de-grit, whack and chop the veggies. Simmer leeks and onions slowly in butter, do not brown. When soft, add the stock and tatties. Season and cook gently until tatties are soft. Press through a sieve or as being a lazy bastard, put the stuff in a blender and liquify - but sieve the grits out at the end anyhow. Reheat gently and whisk in butter and cream.

Serve hot or refrigerator-cold with a generous sprinkling of chopped chives and a swirl of lightly whipped cream. Serves 6 Extraordinary Gentlemen. Chilled French white wine balances the healthiness nicely - one box of wine serves 2 Extraordinary Gentlemen.

Mooses says: Enjoy your Leek!

Let's play... The Weakest Leek!

Which vegetable is needed together with potatoes to make Vichysoisse?
- Leek.
What is the reason why you order a plumber to visit your bathroom?
- A Leek.
What is a group of Extraordinary Gentlemen called?
- The Leek. - Bank!
What do Ducks do?
- They leek. - Bank!
What is a hung Extraordinary Gentleman called?
- Major Leek?
What do men do in toilets?
- Take a leek? - BANK!
Which UK band had a hit "Don´t You Want Me, Baby?"
- Human Leek
What do cooks do with leeks in a bathroom?
- ???
Time out! The correct answer is: They call the plumber.
What is the term used to describe a non-hung extraordinary gentleman?
- Spring Onion?
Wrong answer! The correct one is: A Duck.

You are the Weakest Leek. Good bye!

(Anne R. is so much better with this, must be the coat?)

PS. Like you can see - no Fuzzy Ducks tonight! However do expect a lot of interesting services to be offered online at: www.lekkende-eend.nl, www.leaking-duck.com and www.vuotava-ankka.fi

PPS. New members of the Group: Ani and Ora van Achteren. Japanese-born twins with a Dutch linkage in the family line. They run a leek-farm inherited from their grand-grand-parents. The farm is located close to Alkmaar and produces superior products to satisfy even the most demanding leek-eaters - and can really make a difference in any Vichysoisse. Always ask for the Famous Leeks of Ani and Ora!

Mooses says: Let's Play... Weakest Leek!

Dickie did the Duck while Fuzzy Mazzie was dancing Dixie...

You got it - Fuzzy Duck with Ms. Perky, Olliebollie, Dr. Kaboom, Mr. Cheesy, East-Bunnie and Scotzie. Not clever but highly entertaining. Top of the Topics: atom weights of metals, names of heavy metal bands, capitals in Lithuanian language (never heard about Ogoneks, Carons or Macrons?), endangered human races, sock-cutter clubs in UK and things you can do with a duck without taking your clothes off while enjoying a Mai-Tai on a beach in Bumbardando.

And none of the participants were English children but they were all talking English! Thank you, Mazzie! I am a Boy. You are a Duck!

<--- A Duck. Not a Fuzzy One, Mazzie! A real Fuzzy Duck can be found here

Well, gonna go and check an apartment again tomorrow - on Quanto Costa Kade this time. Details in future postings. No need for a heli-port around this area, though.


Mooses says: Keep your hands on top of the blanket!

The Kangaroo is Dead! Long live the Kangaroo!

Finally the Kangaroo Burger from yesterday got conquered by my digestive mechanisms. Still until this afternoon, it was hopping around inside my systems, disturbing concentration seriously.

Lesson learned, thank you! Wonder what a Crocodile Croquette might have done...

<--- An Undigested Kangaroo

Mr. Cheesy Claw finally answered an SMS telling he is OK. Apparently the Hunt for Cheesy Bunnies got so overwhelming that he lost contact with the reality. Welcome back, Dude!

Mooses says: CU at Herpulandia!

Calling Mr. Cheesy Claw!

10 PM and Mr. Cheesy Claw still has not answered his phone! GRMPFL! Come on, Dude!

Haribo managed to slip out from the office early and took me to the locals during the afternoon. Westerly Gas Factory has a very cool terrace but it is occupied by most annoying tiny creatures their owners call "Dear". Wondering why? We occupied ourselves with a couple of Little Vases going through the latest relational news. His are much more colourful than mine!

Out of the Blue, Haribo pulled out a truly clever idea. Kangaroo Burgers at the Center! Me want one, me want one right now! Take the bike home and head for the burgers! Tram to the center - Haribo missing the stop where we should get out by about 20 km - and to the Kangaroo Burger Bar we go! I was full of anticipation, I truly was. Until the burger arrived.

Well, the potatoes were super-nice but what can you expect from an animal that has been jumping around for its full life-span - tenderness? Guess again!

I go for the Japanese Kobe Bulls that are being read Tanka Poems and fed with Sushi and Sake while they rest on Futons receiving regularly a relaxing massage - before they end up on your plate.

<--- One Happy Kobe Bull, ready to be eaten.

On our way back home, we got involved with musical topics. I have been doing some try-outs with lyrics lately, you know. And Haribo encouraged me to show him my latest masterpieces. Have to remake them, I fear... And yes, the eye-watering street cafe story will become a very elegant bossa-nova! Next on the program: DVD Movies!

Mooses says: Mr. Cheesy Claw is not good...

Recuperating. Telephone Terrorism on the agenda.

Milano and Emil are apparently off - hanging up curtains can be stressful. Nadja and Ernest visiting relatives. Mr. Cheesy Claw does not answer the phone. Vespa de Cock does not either. Spent 1,5 hours over long-distance GSM talking with old friends and mother. Emphasis on the "old".

Laughed like crazy about the flower delivery to my mother. She was actually expecting my brother to be behind the door and therefore not properly dressed when the dude from the florist shop dropped in with the bouquet.

"Is there the Little Miss around?" He asks my old mother who is in her shabby morning gown half awake. "I am the Little Miss, thank you." she answers grabbing the huge birthday bouquet. LOL!

Weather in Finland: cold. Happy now? :o=)

Washies ready. All dressed up and nowhere to go... Even Haribo is at work and cannot go out and play in the bright afternoon sun. Booooooring!

Mooses says: Send flowers to your Mother.

Went astray...

Spent a Sunny Ester Sunday hopping happily in the city. Shiny Happy People all around, terraces full of folks involved in giggly discussions. Am overly neatly dressed in black and white. Black, round sunglasses top my virtuoso image. Looking like a waiter with a hangover...

Well, the absolutely most gorgeous bar owner in town shook my hand smiling like a biscuit I'd like to dunk. Being short is not necessarily a negative thing in a man, you know! And those motorbike leathers did not look too bad either! Casa Disaster was cramped with folks who decided to keep themselves as far from the windows as possible. Odd. Took a beer and while sipping it on the street, got an idea why.

A Police on a bicycle stopped a black guy - neatly and cleanly dressed sober bloke - insisting to see his ID. While checking it, he called for assistance and in flash another bloke arrived - on a bicycle. After about 10 minutes of effe-checken they apparently had no choice but to let the guy go. I sensed disappointment on the Cops´ faces. No possibility to prove one's powers, eh? Gosh - what's happening to Amsterdam?!?!?

Wondered further and ended at Hamster Tavern. Still empty but people flowing in slowly. Engaged in discussion with an extraordinary couple - lady of her God-knows-how-much and a bloke that looked like an Overgrown Steroid Mummy.

Never judge a book by the cover! They both turned out to be most hilarious people, old, proud, in love and with a witty zest in life. The dude was 60+, from the old East of Europe and been working as a club doorman for ages. Marvelous sense of people, friendly smile and a sturdy handshake. The lady was like from "Copacabana" without the sadness of times changing. An example to keep in mind, Guys!

Well, a few slippery dance steps later I eventually left. No clue what time and via which establishments. Went on the Fast-Forward and the recording head got disengaged from the tape. Remember I had a short-lived fit of rage at home, though. Found one shoe next to my bed, the other one on the sofa. No other damages visible.

Checked the blogsies and noticed most unnerving input from Mr. Cheesy Claw. I hope he is OK. Tried to call - three times - and after six zillion rings, no answer.

Mooses says: Det gör Ont!

Laura Palmer was a Sister of Mooses

Laura Palmer was Mooses's kid-sister and she was not a Virgin when our family emigrated from Nymphomania. We used to call her Ms. Cupid Stunt.

Listening to a brilliant collection of Badalamenti borrowed from Olliebollie. Thanks, Pal! Still cannot do the trick with the stem of a cherry. Does Blackie give crash-courses? I must be deranged or something...

Mooses says: "Fire, Walk with Me."

In a Group, Stupidity Multiplies Exponentially.

(Joukossa tyhmyys tiivistyy. Better back-translations are welcome using the comment feature below. Just do not start with "In Jouko...")

Dippadippa-day at the office is over. Contributions were good. Slutty Dike had opened the lushious doors to the Spring. Terrace was open! And the joint was empty. Womanned by Ms. Rwanda, Roxie and backed-up with Pjotr and Mr. G. - the world famous Ebony Luv - and occupied by a handful of miserable pass-byers, I let the sun go down. East-Bunny dropped by on his way home and I could not help myself asking if he according to my last night advice had actually painted his balls blue? Apparently not.

Olliebollie was giving advice to a colleague regarding digital camera´s before joining the Queens-we-use-won't-excite-you Group he frequently visits, Lord of the Ants in Spain, Ms. Perky in London, Cock de Vespa and Mr. Cheesy Claw enjoying the free booze at the office. Gosh it was kinda odd. There was no Group, that is. Sat there for a Huttie and a couple of beers watching the people change. Then the tiredness took over, let the three ColaLights from last night for Pjotr to cover, paid my dues and left. Cannot recall when I had walked home via the old paths the last time.

Scenic route home...

Picture this, Amsterdam TwoThousdandAndSix - Good Friday evening, sun still just-about-up. Walking towards East. In an orange-colour light, long shadows are forming. Spring has arrived and you hear the grass grow. Along a high-way bridge you confront a rabbit-family having dinner Al Fresco. Mother/Father Rabbit is out with seven hand-size kiddy-rabbits eating away the crispy seeds from the dried winter vegetation. Six of the kiddies are pitch black - one is grey. Takes the edge off from the Most Hardy Dude. Cute as a Mona Toetje!

A big grin on my face I follow the path which is far enough from the streets to dampen the traffic noises. It smells like at home when the soil was turned over for the spring planting. Magnolia Trees are just about to show the folks what "Being like Orlando in Bloom" really means. Darn it felt good!

Home early. For the Easter, a friend that I had lost touch with had sent me a Happy Easter e-mail. So nice again. Let Me Fall, too! Mooses is tired but on good spirits. *Thank you!* is the expression that comes to my mind right now.

Mooses says: It´s quite OK to have an evening alone at times. But it does feel a bit weird.

Thank Goddess it's Friday!

Been busy compiling Team Survey reports and almost done. A true Monkey Job but needs to get done. Feels like I've truly contributed today. Pheew! I'm sure beer will taste sooooooo goooooood tonite!

"Would you have an idea where I could go for the Easter Holidays, Gloria?" "Sure Mooses, visit My Yoummie!"

Mooses says: Latin Disco was well rooted in Miami in the 80´s.

PS. The dandy Actor in Brideshead Re-Fisted is Jeremy Irons. And Humma Kavula blessing the heavenly nose is naturally John Malkovich. "Sorry about the Cunt at Reception!"

PPS. In the early 80´s TV Shows, Kenny Everett had a drag-character called Ms. Cupid Stunt - how have we completely forgotten to revive her?

Very brief one...

In this Universe, there is nobody who should give his/her sanity, life, dignity, or peace of mind for business life. Success is good and should be enjoyed. Financial benefits are nice. Career can give you satisfaction. Bruno Magli shoes feel good and are easy to shine. But nothing feels better and is more important than ability to genuinely smile back to a bullshit comment about a non-important mistake one has made. Learn and let Learn!

Mooses says: Thank you, Mother. And sleep well, Universe.

Last Temptations of Mooses

At the office today, while listening to an overly symphatetic (read: honey dripping from her gums) American woman presenter over a long-distance, hissing telephone line telling the participants about Appreciative Inquiry approach in problem solving, a discussion surfaced from the past - the origin of the name of the band Level 42.

According to Wikipedia, the story goes (shortened):

"The origin of the band's name has been described being inspired by a sign in a lift in a tall building in the US; top level of the biggest car-park in the world, in Japan; the floor on which J. Pryce's character resides in the film Brazil or after Tower 42 (NatWest Tower) a tall building in London.

...both claim to have been reading Douglas Adams' comical science-fiction novel, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy wherein the Answer to Life, the Universe, and Everything, is '42'."

Mooses says: Being a fan of the book, the later version is most likely true.

(That Woman is making me feel short of breath - she is so huggingly enthusiastic and sweet. My European taste can hardly tolerate...)

Rain in Spain stays Mainly on the Spaniards.

Maundy Thursday afternoon and it rains, still-to-be-finished RACI Charts cast murky shadows to my schedule and managing distant team members' access to countless servers causes my shabby beard to go more grey by the day - Mount Golgotha feels like not so abstract idea at all. Suffer, suffer; a brighter crown you'll receive!

"How kind of You to let me come!" --->

But managed to cheer up my mother better than expected with flowers delivered for her upcoming birthday. She e-mails back: "Gosh how delightfully disturbing: my doorbell rings this morning and a very handsome man presents me a humongous bunch of colourful flowers - with a very suggestive title. Sure brought lots of sunshine into my Easter weekend. Thank you so much!" Hmm - makes me feel good - am not a total bastard whatever they tell you. :o)

Send your mother flowers right away! ROI is very, very good.

The Easter thing is coming again. Bunny hunting, hiding eggs or other extremities, eating weird food (like mämmi), painting odd objects, behaving like small chicken, whacking people with decorated twigs... Must get into my black, shiny high-heel PVC boots to match the spirit!

Olliebollie AKA Iceman is back and has promised to do the Slutty Dike logistics today. Suits the weather better than anything - thanks in advance! Lord of the Ants sent a very, very disturbing e-mail using his work-email (he should be on a holiday!) "Well yes but this is only one of my holics. cheers. Lord of the ants from Ant heed quarters" We all hope he is OK!

Mooses says: CU later, Sugars!

It is Full Moon tonight!

Sunday went with very, very deep self-studies regarding counter-effects of good times. Perfect appetite for movies, very little physical efforts. Bliss in a sense. Hermione has turned into an early teen with clear admiration towards Slavic blokes. Good for you, Girl!

Monday was again a house-hunting day. Was shown an absolutely perfect roof terrace in a neighborhood where you need a helicopter to get safely home. Funny the owners call it their Little Palace. Cannot afford the chopper so had to turn it down. Hunt continues...

<--- Hermione goes: "Fukkaoffayaevillawizardus!"

Tuesday included the usual business mambo with a twist from the neighbors. Turning down a meeting request to discuss things that cannot be discussed, caused a counter-reaction beyond your imagination. After five years of sheer affection I am now the Bad Guy. GRMPFL! Sad to turn into a neighbor only, guys! So long and thanks for all the fish! Herpulandia topics are non-repeatable. The East-Bunny managed to mess my circles big time again. But - I have to get you and Dr. Kaboom to talk...

Wednesday, today that is, was business as usual. RACI Chart is becoming a term that I cannot pronounce without getting spasms. Metro was running without aMunchie schedule and taking one’s habitus to Herppu took me ages. But seeing Cock de Vespa, Helmut, Mr. Cheesy Claw and Bionic Woman greeting me in their peculiar way helped me to recuperate from the slopes. Piggy Skewers in Nutty Sauce satisfied my appetite and the ever-so-grinny Ms. Rwanda gave us again *the looks*. Missing Lord of the Ants and Iceman kept the issues confronted on a decent level. But not being able to figure out how the cursor works on an Elderberry entertained Mr. Claw and Bionic for ages.

Cock de Vespa, true to his habits, grabbed Helmut again very early - but this time voiced a suggestion: "how about a Garden Party?" It did not take more than a flash for Bionic to jump on the Vespa. They all disappeared into a blue cloud of smoke emitted by the coughing engine. Mr. Cheesy in his shy style approached me asking if I knew where this Mystical Garden was. Knowing the way I offered myself to be his guide and we headed towards the temple - using a tram this time.

Garden of Earthly Finger-Food is a small, smoky and noisy joint very close to the AMS center. Mr. Cheesy can easily find his way back again by locating the Fireplace next to it. Together with a couple of known aliens, the party continued for a while. Bionic got a new name: Ms. Perky. You know, the anti-gravity effects enjoyed during her early girlyhood on the other side of the globe keeps them up in any weather conditions on the Northern Hemisphere! Even when hanging from the backlights of a Vespa.

Decided to walk home. Air was fresh and morning comes soon. Good night, all you Werewolves!

Mooses says: M&M's melt in your mouth, not in your hand.

The Brothers Emil and Ernest.

The Dinner Date with Milano, Emil, Ernest and Nadia turned into a long, very long night. Not too surprising actually, considering the amount of Quality Alcohol consumed. Unlike with the usual bunch of guys, last night topics were more related to family matters. Mushi was mentioned only as a side topic.

Risotto alla Milanese

While preparing her famous risotto, Milano shared her concerns regarding the difficulties in general with family life. I joined the chorus adding the odd set-up of my father´s sisters to the picture. That should wet any eye...

Milano´s risotto was excellent, discussions very multi-dimensional and friendships got enforced big time. A brilliant evening & nite. Thanks, Dudes! Had to check the fruits of the park on the way home - negotiable.

Very easygoing Sunday. Wobbly mood, lotsa chatting, brief home delivery. Gosh, I should have used paper and pen and not the Eddie Izzard Notebook last nite. So many good details lost.

A Glamour Mushi from the Old Times --->

Movie time!

Mooses says: "Send half of them away. I am tired!"

Daytime turning into an evening.

Milano gave me a call talking about life in general for an hour, insisting me to join a dinner party with her BF Emil, Pilippa´s brother Ernest and his wife Nadja. The whole set-up resembles a Peter Greenaway movie.

I might drown and become just a number tonite!

Difficulties with Home Delivery

During the lazy afternoon, I have been busy doing nothing but trying to arrange a home delivery. Hinternet has been slow and the selection of fresh fruit not too admirable at all. Due to the dinner demand, had to turn down an opportunity for some Harlem Shuffle. Prioritites, you know. Eventually received a message that Harlem got a sudden visit from long-lost auntie from Canada - how convenient. Had to message back that my Night Flight to Venus was cancelled causing me to be forced to wait for the next flight at the shuttle bay - for a week or so.

Oh, put my underwear into the machine - they are doing happy rounds in hot water with my trusty Pal, Oxi. Cannot wait to greet them again!


Mooses says: Might still dare to open a beer before the dinner...

Mooses goes Heterophobic.

Herpulandia, the 6 Stars of Slutty Dike, showed its´ other face last nite. After the weekly contributions at the office, Lord of the Ants and myself went to visit the establishment, both full of anticip---pation. And the place was filled with materia reminding me of the stuff that still has not been discovered by science. Very Anti Everything. Brrr...

While wondering if it really is Friday, Cock de Vespa dropped in with Helmut. What a relief! However they did not stay for long due to previous engagements they had made. Teasers!!! But I can tell you, Helmut is cool! IceMan - I had a change to caress him this time. :o)

Are there many Fjords in your country?

So left into our miserable existence, Lord of the Ants and me continued our journey to oblivion. Assisted by gorgeous Ms. Rwanda, it would have progressed fine until The Fjord interrupted our suicidal mission. The Fjord is a Boy from Ipanema.
On a Boat Trip to Ipanema --->

Ipanema is a small fishermen’s village in Norway. It takes Hurterutten 3,5 days to reach civilization after visiting the village. Ipanema is far, far away...

Ms. Rwanda got her place in my heart, though. Thanks, Gorgeous! Let your hair out and we'll rock!

After X-dimensional try-outs to explain The Fjord where local Western Gas Factory and the gargantuan rave party is located, we all three decided to hit the road and head to Led Zeppelin. The Fjord insisted in paying the transport. We took taxi. During the flight, The Fjord made history by asking me: "Are you Generally Gay?" Mooses went speechless.

At the Dark&Light Bar, we were greeted by a bunch of friends from the ancient history - all-men, all-hetero, all non-sober. Somehow the discussion again turned towards the beloved mystery, Mushi. I complied by adding some lesbian jokes. Not my best performance, have to admit. Then a bunch of late fourties Briton Swingers entertained me by their non-continental approach to social behavior. Getting handshakes and admiration to my ethnic background led to an invitation to join the fun. Mooses resisted the temptation easily because he does not hump inflatables!

<--- An Inflatable Victim of Traffic Brutality

Hetero Bars: crucial meeting-places for sexually restricted

I have many hetero friends and I love them all. I find it also very good that they have their own bars where they can meet other heteros and talk about those hetero-things. But all that kissing and hugging sometimes make me feel not at ease. Learning: Do not pay too much attention to the hetero-behavior. Entertain yourself with their immaculate lack of taste instead.

Change from one hetero-bar to another did not go well. I lost the main group and ended in occupying two chairs by a barrel-table in a sequel bar, with The Fjord. A beer, amount and shape described by locals as "a Small Vase", took me back to my ethnic roots. Trying to explain The Fjord that he only needs to pick up the spoon - there is soup everywhere - did not go well. Had to leave, that Dude was doomed not to get laid that night.

On my way home, I tried to cheer up by visiting a cellar-bar "Nail". But for some reason it had lost the tangy atmosphere and did not even vaguely trigger urge to rub any rhubarbs. A creature of apparent US origin, with absolutely gorgeous frame but very, very ugly face approached me, wobbling while trying to keep the oranges under his arms: "Wanna something?" I managed not to say: "Sure, a shot gun!" Time for another taxi - home this time.

Saturday afternoon now. A clever man would stay home and put his weekly load of underwear into a washing machine with Oxi. Mooses is not a clever man, Mooses goes hunting!

Hillary-Hey!

Mooses says: Keep an open mind and never turn down an invitation which does not include immediate threat to your existence.

Mooses has been shown around...

Mooses is not happy...

Mooses is home and needs sleep, sort of...

Details later - Mooses goes hunting...

Mooses's Friday Long-Drink Recipe: Long Island Ice Tea


2 cl of each: Gin, Cointreau, White Rum, White Tequila and Vodka.
Dash of Coca-Cola
Lemon Slice
Ice

Build in a tall glass of app. 25 cl.

Fill the glass with ice, pour the liquor in - all exactly the same amounts.
Top up with coke - not too much, a generous dash is enough, it's for colour only!
Stir with a spoon, decorate with lemon slice (that darn mint in the picture is really not necessary)


Yes, resembles the traditional Long Island Ice Tea, eh? It is almost the same, just missing the totally unnecessary Sour Mix. Tea is supposed to be clear, not fuzzy as it turns with Sour Mix!

PS. Mau and Bionic - whassup? Story tells you have not been well lately? Get better and come to play with us! Friday is here! See you at the 6 Stars?

Mooses says: Get Toxicated!

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Hippan und Pippan!

The Day of Mooses included today business-wise only one incident worth a comment: Quarterly Balalaika Rave Part II which turned into a detailed and extended debate if a 1/4 of a full-time-equivalent writing e-mails in Swahili while taking calls in Retoromanian should actually be considered 1/3rd or 1/5th. Yawn!

Checkbook Balancing

Privately the bills collecting at my doorstep reminded me of X-mas (all in so bright red). To allow me to still pass the immigration to US, I decided to pay the B-Mex right away.

One Million Dollars --->

For the rest I will send a post card stating: "Dear XXX! Thank you for your participation to my monthly drawing of bills. Unfortunately you did not win this time. Better luck next month and thank you for your continuing support!" Mooses feels poor!

Balancing one’s checkbook is not easy, so not get discouraged by occasional mishaps. Always remember, that if you never live beyond your financial limits, you never feel like you lived at all.

Who cares, there's Slutty Dike!

But on the other hand the balancing act at Slutty Dike saved the day again! One of the first topics discussed was Helmut. He is a close and personal friend of Vespa the Cock and their relationship can only be described as - close and personal. IceMan could not keep his sticky fingers off Helmut and I suddenly sensed jealousy in the air. Big Time Drama was just about to be observed! Vespa the Cock decided, without a warning, to leave. He grabbed Helmut by his straps, they both jumped on the Vespa and went away, disappearing into a could of blue smoke emitted by the coughing engine. A true Kodak Moment, I tell you!

Left amazed, Mr. Cheesy Claw, IceMan, Lord of the Ants and myself continued analyzing the celestial events we had confronted lately. Mushi-topics were very prominent again. The beloved mystery got all the attention it deserves - and more. Boys are boys even if they cut socks!

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

PS. Dr. Kaboom - The Spice must flow!

Mooses says: "Money is like manure. It's of no use if you don’t spread it!"

Don't Panic!

I got stampeded by a thought of Universal Gigantic X-dimensional Mushi's tonite. And that was not pretty! Almost lost my appetite... But a nuked Paella alla Apiheijn is my savior tonite! The only taste I recon from it is the added Kikkoman. What happened to the shrimpies?

Daytime score: Boss arrived, had a quick lunch with me and gave me the good news. Consumed two Cheese Soufflés, 1/2 liter of Coke Light and grabbed a sandwich for later. You see, I comply. Quarterly Balalaika Rave with a busi-partner at the local tennis club turned into a most entertaining event. My old monkey-on-the-line ears spotted terms like "Erlang C" from the cacophonia of bullshit-bingo-terminology but made me actually make some notes. Success!

A Proper Cheese Soufflé --->

The evening set-up at the stupendous 6 Stars of Slutty Dike turned out different this time. Dr. Kaboom wearing a set of garments not commonly seen on him, Lord of the Ants, Mr. Cheesy Claw and IceMan had already enjoyed the local hospitality at the time of my arrival. I get seated, IceMan leaves - no connection with these two incidences in time. You will later figure out why. Bionic Woman and her Elderberry were missing. So was the infamous Male Organ on Vespa. This must be the result of Global War*n*ing, I fear. Too much carbon dioxide, perhaps? Maybe excess methane?

Dr. Kaboom wears a Polka Dot Tie

Mooses says: If you, after listening to your heart, decide to wear a polka-dot tie of blue and red with light blue cheese-cloth shirt topped with a 80´s sleek pin-stripe midnight blue suit to a job interview, do not start the conversation telling "they were 90/10 against me." Get a new tie!

Dr. Kaboom - to inform you, My Young Padowan Apprentices - is one of the most intriguing figures still alive. Without loosing his pace with Shouffe (clear as is conciense), he is able to clarify any details about wave theory, beginning of universe, improbability of time travel, reason why an object growths in length while approaching a black hole, and the reason why newly brought pint of beer leaves a wet ring on a table. And you bloody believe him! He is also a devoted Tesla Fan, like me. I must introduce you to Munchie one day. You were made for each others!

After the culinary AH experience wihich actually got cold on my plate while Blogging with you, I must retire for tonite. There is more Quarterly Balalaika Rave for me tomorrow, and it starts early.

PS. According to Mr. Cheesy Claw, anti-materia can never touch another piece of materia. We decided not to try this hypothesis with a fist against a face this time. Another opportunities will be explored later.

<--- Materia vs. Antimateria

PSS. I just found an antimateria sandwich in my backpack?

Mooses says: No Fuzzy Ducks this time. Keep your hands above the blanket!